Me, in tears: “Oh God, what shall I do with all this REGRET!”
God: “Learn from it.”
Me: “But WHAT? HOW?”
God: “Learn from it.”
Me: “It’s been forty years!”
God is silent for over an hour while I cry, wipe tears, do my work, wipe more tears.
God: “Some people trade life’s greatest blessings for a small bowl of soup.” (Genesis 27, referring to Esau selling his inheritance to his younger brother, Jacob, for a bowl of soup.)
Me: ESAU! I can learn from ESAU? ‘ (I’m astonished because I have always considered the Biblical character, Esau, to be a wicked man, and of course, I don’t view myself a bit like him.)
My mind is flying because God’s comment is opening my eyes and I can see similarities in myself and Esau.
I hurriedly open my Bible and begin reading the story of Esau, about his hasty and foolish decision and lifelong regret. What did he do with regret? I wonder. The similarities in his personality and mine are striking. We are impulsive. We live for the here and now. We don’t take life as seriously as we should and learn our lessons the hard way. Then we look back and regret our actions. Sometimes recovery is slow. Sometimes it appears impossble.
Genesis 27:38, “And Esau lifted up his voice (in deep regret) and wept. …..And Esau hated Jacob… and Esau said in his heart, ‘The days of mourning for my father are at hand, then I will slay my brother Jacob.'”
Because of Esau’s deep resentment and hatred toward Jacob, Jacob flees to his uncle’s house in a distant land. For nearly twenty years he heard nothing from Esau and doesn’t know if his spirit has softened toward him or if he remains angry with him for having taken the inheritance. The time comes when he must return to his homeland and he sets out with a large caravan of possessions, livestock and family. His fear of his brother is almost palpable. Will Esau kill him when he discovers that he’s back home again?
Jacob prepares for a confrontation with Esau by sending gifts ahead for him. He arranges his belongings and family to provide his beloved wife, Rachel, and their two children the greatest protection.
Genesis 33:1,3,4; “And Jacob lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, Esau came, and with him four hundred men. And he (Jacob) bowed himself to the ground seven times until he came near to his brother. And Esau ran to meet him and embraced him, and fell on his neck and kissed him; and they wept.”
The old anger, hatred and bitterness were no longer a part of Esau. He tried to return the gifts which Jacob had prepared for him but Jacob insisted that he accept them.
Verse 10; (Jacob speaking:) “Nay, I pray thee, if I have found grace in thy sight, then receive my present at my hand; for therefore I have seen thy face as though I had seen the face of God, and thou wast pleased with me.”
Me: “Dear Lord Jesus, I understand. I must make amends, late as it is. I NEED YOUR HELP. I need wisdom. Help me to go in Your grace. In Jesus’ blessed name I pray, Amen.
God speaks, corrects, and gives me hope through His Word. Each time I am amazed and in awe of His accurate, convicting Spirit and the gentle way that He points me in the right direction. He is truly the God of love.
Excerpts from Psalm 19:7-10 ; “The Law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul; …..
right, rejoicing the heart….
pure, enlightening the eyes…..
clean, enduring forever…..
true and righteous altogether.
More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.”